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Jordan Tate reads from The Contemporary Dictionary of Sexual EuphemismsFridayday, Feburary 9th, 7:00 PMFREE
 
Do terms such as camel toe and money shot make you laugh? How about phrases like bury the bone or choking the chicken? Photographer and writer Jordan Tate uses his penchant for taking pictures to illustrate the aforementioned catchphrases and more in a hilarious new compilation, The Contemporary Dictionary of Sexual Euphemisms (St. Martin?s)
 
Along with both literal and sexual definitions of each euphemism, this unique dictionary also has photographs shot by Tate himself and, of course, an example of each term used in a sentence. An in-your-face, hilarious assemblage filled with all of the euphemisms you may?and may not?have already heard, it includes:
 
?Pearl Necklace, n. ? A sexual act whereby a controlled ejaculation of semen around the neck and shoulders of the recipient leaves small, collected, pools of semen that roughly resemble pearls connected by thin strands of semen left in the dragging of the penis along the skin
 
?George Walker, n. ? A predisposition to anal intercourse or any anal activity that borders on obsession
 
?Rodeo, n. ? Attempting to maintain penetration of the recipient for eight seconds after informing him or her of your sexual encounters with any relative or close friend of the recipient
 
?Shooting Putty at the Moon, v. ? Male masturbation
 
?Snail Trail, n. ? Labia
 
Until now, no dictionary has ever attempted to record the fascinating and often raunchy inventory of English sexual euphemisms. Jordan Tate has confronted this task with gusto and the results are nothing short of gratifying. The Contemporary Dictionary of Sexual Euphemisms is a hysterical, unabashed, and at times shocking compilation of every sexual euphemism you?ve ever heard?and many more you haven?t. It is perfect for those who still get a kick out of looking up dirty words in the dictionary.
 
About the Author
jordan tate attended Miami University?s Western College Program and earned a Bachelor of Philosophy in Interdisciplinary Studies in 2003. He is currently an M.F.A. candidate at Indiana University?s Henry Hope Radford School of Fine Arts. Some of his work is held in the permanent collection at the Kinsey Institute for Gender, Sex, and Reproduction. For more on Tate and his work, please visit www.JordanTate.com.

Saturday, January 27th, 8:00 PM
Arthur Magazine and Drag City PresentTrinie Dalton and Steve Krakow at Quimby?s!
 
Join us at Quimby?s as Arthur Magazine presents an evening of reading and discussion with Trinie Dalton and Steve Krakow.
 
For this event Trinie Dalton will read from her new novel, which isn\’t finished yet, about a witch and several of her monster friends. She?s in Illinois as a visiting writer at University Illinois Urbana Champaign, to celebrate the release of the new issue of their lit mag, Ninth Letter. Steve Krakow will be on hand to talk with Trinie Dalton about zines and other subcultural things.
 
Steve Krakow lives in Chicago and is the editor of Galactic Zoo Dossier and front man for Plastic Crimewave Sound. He is an organizer for the annual Million Tongues Festival at the Empty Bottle.
 
Trinie Dalton lives in Los Angeles. Her short story collection, WIDE EYED (Akashic) was a finalist for the Believer Book Award. She also co-edited DEAR NEW GIRL OR WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS (McSweeney\’s), an art/illustration book based on her archive of confiscated notes acquired while she taught high school. She writes about music for Arthur and the LA Weekly, writes film reviews for Amazon, and also writes catalogue essays for artists. Her work has appeared in magazines such as Bomb, Nerve, Purple, The Believer, and Ping Pong (Henry Miller Library\’s Journal). She has an MFA from Bennington Writing Seminars and teaches Fiction at USC.

Mark Swartz to Read from H2O,
His New Eco-Noir Novel set in Chicago.
Center for Neighborhood Technology?s Bill Eyring to Introduce the Reading
Friday, January 19, 7:00 p.m. Quimby?s (1854 W. North Avenue, Chicago)
 
Mark Swartz\\\’s new novel H2O is set in Chicago in the year 2020. With the entire world facing a dire shortage of drinkable water, filters and drains engineer Hayden Shivers stumbles upon a method for synthesizing fake water, but the new product may not be the miracle it?s cracked up to be.
 
??? H2O has its own trailer at http://www.softskull.com/files/h20_trailer.swf ???
 
?Swartz\\\’s shrewd, jittery, and noirishly atmospheric speculative tale about a bumbling antihero and dire environmental trauma brings an irreverent and parrying voice to ecofiction and casts a fractured light on follies petty and catastrophic.?
?Donna Seaman, Booklist
 
Mark Swartz?s second novel, the noirish eco-satire H2O, makes Davis Guggenheim?s film An Inconvenient Truth look like a feel-good summer romance?[ H2O is] a fast, fun, ominous read.?
?Time Out New York
 
?A short, sharp shock–a jab to the eyeball and brain, H2O by Mark Swartz is as telling commentary on our society now as Don DeLillo?s White Noise was in its time. Savagely precise, clever but not shallow, Swartz\\\’s writing lacerates even as it\\\’s deeply, disturbingly funny.?
 
-Jeff VanderMeer
 
Mark Swartz is the author of Instant Karma (City Lights, 2002). His writing has appeared in the Village Voice, The Believer, Bomb, Bookforum, Chicago Reader, and other publications. Originally from Chicago, he lives in Forest Hills, Queens, with his wife and daughter.
 
Bill Eyring is a Senior Engineer of the Center for Neighborhood Technology (CNT), an organization dedicated to showing urban communities locally and all across the country how to develop more sustainably. Bill manages CNT?s green infastructure projects that focus on managing stormwater naturally, reducing flooding risk, and improving water quality. More information at
www.cnt.org
 

Jan 18th 7:30 PM
 
Balaam The Lame, Radon Chong, Adolph Schnitzel And His Wife Mirriam Present:
 
The Daniel And Daniel Show!
 
In this entertainment extravaganza, Daniel & Daniel will sacrifice Hake to The Porpoise-God, shine the light of The Mystical Mathematic Equation unto the mind of all mongoloids present (using the FOIL method) and manuever the facial muscles of any corpse in attendance, using techniques described in Raymond Roussel\’s \’Locus Solus.\’ All Set To Words And Music!
 
say what? for the night
Daniel Gleason = Paco P. Coltrane
Daniel Knox = Rock N\’ Ro

Zine Reading at Quimby?s!Saturday, December 9th, 8:00 PMFREE
 
Featuring:
 
Matt Coppens- Writes zine Panic Attack and drinks too much cheap beer.
Visit www.mattcoppens.blogspot.com
 
Matt Gauck- Writes zine Next Stop Adventure and is restless as hell.
Visit www.thedreamerandthefool.com
 
Billy- Writes zine Proof I Exist and is an employee at Uncle Fun.
Visit www.iknowbilly.com
 
Andrew Mall- Writes zine Living Proof and has glasses and eats burritoes.
Visit www.atm4.net

Thursday December 7th 7PM
FREEDrawn and Quaterly Presents Kevin Huizenga
Gabrielle Bell
Anders Nilsen
 

Drawn & Quarterly invites you to a signing and discussion with comic artists Gabrielle Bell, Anders Nilsen, and Kevin Huizenga
 
Gabrielle Bell was born in London, England, and lived there two years before moving back to Detroit, Michigan. Eventually she moved to San Francisco where she took art classes at San Francisco Community College. Gabrielle moved to New York and published, “When I’m Old and Other Stories” with Alternative Comics. She also contributed to several anthologies, and began the “Lucky” series, of which the third installment won an Ignatz for “Most Outstanding Minicomic” in 2003 and is now being collected and republished by Drawn & Quarterly. Her work can also be seen in the quarterly anthology “Mome” published by Fantagraphics and Drawn & Quarterly Showcase Book Four. Lucky is available now.
 
Anders Nilsen was born in rural Northern New Hampshire in 1973. Nilsen went to college at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque, studying art and doing political work. A group of paintings had developed into an artists book called The Ballad of the Two Headed Boy and in 1997, still thinking he might be more fine artist than cartoonist, Nilsen started graduate school at the Art Institute of Chicago, where he dropped out shortly after the publication of Big Questions #3. He has received two Ignatz nominations for Big Questions #4 in 2002 as well as a Xeric and several grants from the City of Chicago to keep making comics. Nilsen is currently working on finishing Big Questions as well as a couple of further collections of strips from his sketchbooks. Big Questions #8 and Don?t Go Where I Can?t Follow were recently released.
 
Kevin Huizenga was born in 1977 in Harvey, IL and spent most of his childhood in South Holland, IL, near Chicago. He attended college in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and moved to St. Louis in 2000 where he lives and works. He began drawing comics in high school, xeroxing his first issue (with friends) at the neighborhood Jewel Osco in 1993. Since that time he’s made approximately 30 more. In 2001 the Comics Journal named him “Minimalism Cartoonist of the Year” and called #14 of his “Supermonster” mini-comic series “one of the best comics of any kind released in 2001.” Kevin?s newest title is called Curses

Alan Goldsher Book Release Event forModest Mouse: A Pretty Good ReadSaturday, December 2nd, 8:00 PM
FREE
 
Alan Goldsher will read for his newest book \”MODEST MOUSE: A PRETTY GOOD READ\” The Unauthorized Biography of the Platinum Selling Indie Rock Band Modest Mouse. Unruly, antagonistic, and often downright depressing, Modest Mouse seemed like one of the most unlikely candidates for mainstream stardom. Yet the band has pulled themselves through arrests and allegations to earn platinum record sales and primetime television guest spots, and become one of indie rock\’s most surprising success stories.
 
Journalist Alan Goldsher uncovers the strange, little-known details of Modest Mouse\’s unlikely rise, chronicling the band\’s difficult decade-long career, from the bottom of the Washington State indie rock scene to the current success of their records and ongoing international tours. He also reveals the troubled background and fractured history of Isaac Brock, the difficult and often abrasive front man who has spent as much time avoiding the media as he has attempted to control it. Thoroughly researched, sharply funny, and filled with pictures and posters from every step of the band\’s career, this unauthorized bio is perfect for new and old fans looking for the band\’s little-known history.
 
Writer/musician Alan Goldsher is also the author of \”Hard Bop Academy: The Sidemen of Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers\” and the music-themed novels \”Jam\” and \”The Record Haus\”. As a bassist, Goldsher has recorded with Janet Jackson, Cypress Hill, and Naughty by Nature; toured the world with Digable Planets; and performed at the 1994 Grammy Awards. He is a regular contributor to Bass Player. Alan lives and writes in Chicago.
Visit Alan at www.AlanGoldsher.com or www.Myspace.com/aprettygoodread.
 

THE2NDHAND #22 Release EventFriday, November 10th, 7:00 PM
 
THE2NDHAND #22 brings Louisville to Chicago with another in Mickey Hess\’s textual sampling series. The story here integrates the journeys of George Rogers Clark, founder of Louisville and brother to the Clark of Lewis & Clark fame, who famously turned down the commission to explore the west in favor of settling in the Ohio river\’s jewel. This crew is all-Louisville, all the time, though we welcome them. Featuring readings from Jason Jordan, Mickey Hess, Jessica Elliott, Mike Smith and Al Burian (not form Louisville).
 
Jason Jordan is a Louisville-area native and frequent contributor to THE2NDHAND. He is the author of the Powering the Devil\’s Circus, a collection of shorts.
 
Mickey Hess is THE2NDHAND\’s FAQ editor and and author of the autobiographical novel Big Wheel at the Cracker Factory, the experimental collection One Thousand Pound Locket, and a new two-story offering, Someone Has Plagiarized Faulkner. He recently relocated from Louisville to Lawrenceville, New Jersey, where he\’s on the faculty of Rider University. He also edited Greenwood Press\’s forthcoming Icons of Hip-Hop.
 
Jessica Elliott is a freelance writer and a student at Indiana University Southeast, where she is editor of the Undergraduate Research Journal and associate editor of the IUS Review. Her fiction has appeared in the THE2NDHAND.
 
Mike Smith is the author of Tell Christian I\’m Sorry and a contributor to THE2NDHAND.
 
Al Burian is a musican, writer, and zine maker (Burn Collector).

Saturday, November 4th, 7:30 PM
Featherproof mini-book launch party
Join us for an evening of readings with: Patrick Somerville, Anne Elizabeth Moore, Pete Coco, Jeb Gleason-Allured & Kyle Beachy.
 
Patrick Somerville is a Green Bay native, New York-educated, Chicago-residing writer of fine short fiction. His new short story collection, Trouble, has received warm reviews from smart people.
 
Anne Elizabeth Moore does a million things, including serving as associate publisher of Punk Planet Magazine and editing the Best American Comics series.
 
Pete Coco\’s short fiction has appeared in numerous places, including in Featherproof\’s mini-book series and THE2NDHAND. He once was called the Glen Danzig of fiction, and it was meant as a compliment.
 
Jeb Gleason-Allured online submissions editor at THE2NDHAND; his stories have been published in numerous magazines. He lives and writes and drinks in Chicago.
 
Kyle Beachy is a local author
 

For 27 years, David Greenberger has filled his zine, Duplex Planet, with the
insights, anecdotes and information gleaned from conversations with the
residents of nursing homes, meal sites and other elder-care facilities. In
1979, Greenberger landed a job as activities director at the Duplex Nursing Home in Boston, where he started publishing Duplex Planet. The stories, quips, the voices, the characters of senior citizens are elicited and shaped by Greenberger with questions such as \”What was the worst job you ever had,\” or \”How close can you get to a penguin?\” Duplex Planet is also now available in a wider variety of formats in addition to the zine, such as booklength compilations, independent comic books and CDs.
 
Quimby?s is proud to host Mr. Greenberger. He will read Halloween stories from his zine. For more info, see www.duplexplanet.com .